Devotee: Anonymous

Hazel is my pseudonym which I use when I write and take part in CoH projects. My actual Greek name is quite distinctive, and if I reveal enough of myself on a blog here for instance, then anyone doing a search could find out that I’m religious and devoted to Hecate. I choose to be anonymous hence my pseudonym.

Being anonymous and using a pseudonym is not unusual but it is not very common. As far as I know as I write this, I don’t know of anyone else in the CoH community that uses a pseudonym. If there is anyone else, say hi! I have a big reason for my anonymity, but I have found that having this hidden aspect of myself from some people actually excites me!

My main reason is that I work in science, and I want to avoid judgement from others. Religious beliefs and science are not exactly opposed to each (there are plenty of religious people who work in science). And in fact, there are more religious scientists than people expect (How religious scientists balance work and faith [Paywalled]). But there are spiritual beliefs I hold that surround religion that some scientists (not all!) might look down on and judge me for it: reincarnation, use of Tarot, belief in psychism, the power of dreams. After all, evidence, and objectivity is the currency for scientists. We may know and believe in some things. But if proof is not obtained repeatedly within an experimental setting, then that means there is no evidence. While we may accept something as sufficient proof for us as individuals to validate our personal experiences with Hecate or others, it still does not equate to evidence obtained in a laboratory setting. On a side note, I struggle to trust my intuition versus my need for verification on spiritual matters, but that is another topic for another time! Now I know potentially I can tell people I’m religious without telling them that I believe in those things. But some might associate all those things under one New Age umbrella.

The important thing here is that even though people should not judge others or treat them differently based on their beliefs, people will instinctively do even if they don’t say it out loud. This is what I want to avoid in the first place; that instinctive judgement. I would not go so far as it to call it fear of this judgement but rather a cautious approach.

I’ve been in some odd situations amongst scientists, and even one disrespectful situation from another Hecatean devotee because of my choice. This devotee (who disappeared from the community eons ago) told me I should tell people. He actually argued with me about my choice, he barely knew me, and he hadn’t even met me face to face! I was livid at the audacity of this disrespect. Making this choice is a deeply personal thing, and it should be respected.

The odd situations were just that. I once overheard at university: How could someone believe Tarot tells the future? Or that moment in a protest when someone said: People actually believe that the moon affects things here on earth. The scientists around me laughed. I didn’t. I was also confused, oceanic tides anyone? Every so often and in moments of trust, I have opened up, and so far, it has worked out well.

Photo by Michael Marais on Unsplash

But there is one part of this anonymity that I really enjoy. This side of me is hidden to the rest of the world, and thus I’m in the dark, and I love it! It makes me feel like I’m a superhero hiding their identity. I am in the in-between; that liminal space exactly like Hecate! Just think of Batman. He is like that, and probably quite a Hecatean superhero. He comes out at night to help people, he is mysterious, and then he goes back to being Bruce Wayne forever in the limelight. (I welcome a discussion on other superheroes that may be Hecatean). In this way, I love having that anonymity. It feels indulgent to have something that is secretive to other groups of people.

I have often thought if I should ever come out of the witchy closet. I want to be seen and judged based on my actions, work and values so I make sure that is what shows to the whole world. Perhaps once I feel assured that that is what people see, then I might come out to certain groups. I feel like if I do, it will probably be when I retire. But then again, what if I just love being in the shadows?! Mwahahaha! ;)

I would love to hear others who purposefully hide their devotion and religion. What is your pseudonym? What are your experiences with being secretive?